Fixing our love when the smoke clears
Everyone who has ever been in love has had that moment when the emotional powder flashes and tempers flare; soon after which, an argument ensues. The 2nd chances at fixing our love in the aftermath of the storm are essential to continuing to grow our relationship. Yet, not everyone has the clarity of mind in the morning hours to regret our angry words or actions.
At one time or another, we all have stubbornly dug our feet into the sand and held on to our resentment or hurt long past the point of any possible positive outcome. Perhaps even for a little while these prideful moments of staunch unwillingness to open our hearts and minds to see or think rationally, we feel vindicated.
Freeing ourselves of Ego
Of course, until we realize that the “need to be right” that seemed important just hours ago to break our loving bond with someone dear to us is suddenly replaced by loneliness and remorse.
We might wish we had been more careful with the words we flung haphazardly at our mate. We may feel foolish for holding on to our anger so tightly that we could not embrace the compassion to offer our love. At any rate, we want badly to take back the hurtful things we have said. True to the matter is this: If we speak with love and act with compassion
True to the matter is this: If we speak with love and act with compassion we can grow incredibly empowering relationships in our lives and avoid the dreadful remorse of hot-headed words.
But, as the saying goes…
“Four things you can’t recover:
The stone after the throw,
The word after it’s said,
The occasion after it’s missed,
The time after it’s gone.”
If we have found ourselves on either end of a lover’s quarrel there is one thing for certain – it sucks!
2nd chances at fixing our love succeed with unconditional love
Once the smoke clears and the white flag is flown, there is a question that we owe it to our self and our partner to ask our heart first.
Of all the good times and the bad ones, do we still feel the same spark of unconditional love that we once did?
We have to decide in our heart of hearts, do the good times still outweigh the bad? If so, what is the next step towards mending the rift that divides us from our beloved?
Some of the questions we find swimming in our head and heart may have a greater impact on our emotional discovery, and some less. But, when the smoke clears, it is time to measure what our heart tells us.
The trickster mind vs. the loving heart
It is easy to be misguided by the trickster that lives in the mind of each one of us. Through the act of compassionate understanding, we can decipher the difference between our ego’s over-bearing need to be right, cutting through the chatter. Only then can we hear the emotional heart that holds our true feelings.
By opening our vulnerable hearts we create the chance of fixing our loving relationship.
We may be scared. We may wonder if all of this is worth it? Our head will try to convince the heart that WE are right, and that, we ought to run away in order to protect ourselves from further heartache.
But in reality, are we actually saving ourselves from pain?
Or are we creating a lasting damage by allowing our ego to herd us away from our happiness into some dark corner to lick salt from our wounds?
The trickster mind is led by our foolish and selfish ego. Our ego does not allow us to readily admit when we are wrong. It does let us accept that perhaps, just maybe we had a hand in the carnage and struggle we face with our relationship.
Defeating the Ego
In order to defeat our self-righteous ego and avoid the traps it set up that mislead us blindly down the wrong path in the name of righteousness, we need to ask ourselves a few questions to help us get to the heart of the matter. and silence the trickster within our heads.
This will improve our chance at fixing love and silence the trickster within our heads.
8 Questions to Emotional Clarity
- What actually happened? In other words, what was it that started the argument?
- How did our actions or reactions ignite and fuel the fire?
- The words we used, were they caring and compassionate; or were we careless, angry, and defensive?
- Do we truly feel the way we originally thought and is this position in our best interest?
- Are we protecting our ignorant pride, or setting a healthy boundary of respect?
- Can we forgive our loved one? Rather, can we allow ourselves to grow through this and move forward together to make this chance last?
- Only through compassion can peace and healing succeed. Are we prepared to foster this love treaty?
- Are we in love or infatuation?
Let the loving heart guide you
The loving heart will speak to us if we allow it. These 8 questions can help us discern the truth that comes from within our hearts versus the misguided judgment from our mind.
Our true heart will speak to us and guide us on our path to better communication with our mate. It will also drive us onward to a greater love while reducing the number of 2nd chance “do-overs”. The tricky part is getting out of our own way.
**I sincerely hope this article helps some of you to grow a healthier relationship full of compassion and understanding. Let us know how this advice might have helped you fix your love or maybe you have some additional advice for your fellow readers?
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