Love is an evolving animal that needs to be nourished
When relationships are good, they can be the best motivation and will inspire us to achieve things we never thought were possible. The feeling of being in love is unlike any other feeling in the Universe. It makes our mornings brighter, the birds sing sweeter, and no matter what life throws at us we can overcome it as long as we’ve got our other half to help us push through.
However when that same relationship sours it can often turn toxic very quickly. The little nuances that once were minor annoyances build up and bury us in uncertainty. When left unresolved those little disturbances may fester and become catastrophic catalysts towards the demise of not only the relationship but also our own health, well-being, and even our safety.
This change isn’t always imminent, but rather it is the result of typically more than one person’s actions or inaction’s. The things we neglect to communicate the minor shrugging off of our partner’s feelings, a cruel jab spoke aloud when we are angry or hurt can cut deeper and more painfully than the sharpest of blades and leave us feeling a shambles.
The poisonous rhetoric that escapes our lips becomes a self-feeding energy vortex of anger and hurt, but we can end this toxicity. Maybe not in the current relationship but certainly in the future, if we are willing to look introspectively at our hurt and anger and learn from our past missteps.
So then how do we know when its time to give up on a flat-lined relationship? Even more so, when is it too late to redeem a toxic one? Here are a few warning signs that your love has not only gone cold, but the thin ice on which you stand is the only thing keeping you out of the damage that can come from staying too long.
5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship
- Lack of Communication: When countries are in treaty negotiations and reach an impasse, or Unions & their counterpart industry leaders hit a stalemate and talks break down it can only mean one thing and it’s not good! The same can be said of communications in any relationship. When the talking stops, the proverbial shit hits the fan. Simple small talk can seem impossibly difficult as both sides are at the edge of their wits trying to intuit their next moves, and let’s face it we’re no longer working together & listening-we’re merely waiting our turn to rebuttal.
- Resentment: We all know that feeling. It starts in the pit of our stomach and works its way under our skin up the back of our neck till it pours out of us in an overflow of emotional distress. It’s almost as if we know that our partner will do that one thing we can’t stand, so when it happens we are hyper-reactive and usually go overboard with expressing our displeasure. This constant walking on eggshells leads to a deep feeling of contempt towards our significant other.
- Arguing to Argue: Have you ever found yourself in an argument and thought, “what the hell is this even about?” At times in failing relationships, we allow ourselves to become so displeased with the overall nature of the coupling that we argue because- Hey it keeps things interesting right? WRONG! Arguing just to feel alive or noticed is a sure sign of declining health of any relationship. And one can only guess that when the days you argue outnumber the days you don’t, it’s definitely time to move on.
- Hateful words: Arguments in any relationship get heated sometimes, and we might overstate our case in a way that is hurtful to the other person. We may name-call or berate our partner. If the relationship has been on a long running rough spot, chances are we know just the thing to say to get the others goat. This is a horrible way to treat the ones we love and it is not OK to belittle or chide our lover because we’re unhappy with this or that. Ultimately, it’s probably more ourselves or our reaction to that thing they did 2 weeks ago we’re truly upset about. Let it go! It’s OK I promise you.
- Physical/Emotional Abuse: The ultimate sign its time to pack up and GTFO of Dodge is when our partner engages in any manner of abusive behavior. However when our partner has a set manner of emotionally abusing us, either by downgrading our feelings or ignoring them completely, to excessively berating us or publicly humiliating us it is emotional abuse. Unlike its ugly big brother physical abuse, the effects of the emotional battery are harder to define and definitely harder to convince ourselves it’s time to go. But just because the bruises don’t show, doesn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, emotional scarring from relationships may take far longer than physical ones.
But the bottom line is this: YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO GET OUT! You just need to listen to the little voice inside of you saying, “Hey! Something is not right. We don’t like the way we’re being treated. We need to beat feet and find someone that values us for who we are and treats us as such.”
If you need help getting through the split, or even getting away from the toxicity itself you have help! Tell a friend. Tell a neighbor. Tell your coworkers or family. Most will be more than willing to help because they’ve probably noticed it long before you’re ready to admit to yourself that where you are isn’t healthy. For additional resources you can contact your local community centers or contact one of the following centers:
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence-Phone: (303) 839-1852
- National Center on Domestic & Sexual Violence-1-800-799-SAFE
- Domestic Violence Resource Center-1-866-469-8600
Be safe out there. There are options to getting away from toxic or dangerous relationships. If you or someone you know needs help. Use the links! Tell someone! Be good to yourself and to others and Bless up!