An open Letter to my Depression


Kevin-MacConkey-writerAn Open Letter To

My Depression

Written by: Kevin MacConkey

Well, Hello again my long lost tormentor. I was wondering where you’d scurried off to in such a hurry. No, I’m sorry there will be no fond embrace this time around. No, there will be no memory lane to stagger down in our typical Xanax-induced haze of yesterday’s long gone. I’m not happy to see you’ve found your way back home again. We were certainly enjoying our respite from your rude and incessant behavior of ruining the best moments life has to offer.

All my life I’ve lived with your shadow looming over me like the dark gray cloud of impending doom you are. All my life I’ve dealt with the anxiety of knowing you’d be back to torture me again. But you see, things have changed. I’m not the scared little kid i was back in the day. I’m older, I’m wiser, and these days. I know that I am loved. Your disparaging words fall on deaf ears.

I know that the things you whisper in the back of my mind are not real, they never were. Sure, I know that. But the screaming echoes of doubt and fear still resonate somewhere in me. They seem so accurate, so morbidly real and they follow my thoughts as if they were my own. But I’m not your words. I’m not your downtrodden and morose effigy you’d prefer to paint me in. I am not your failing images. I am not you.

So, you see dear depression, you are not wanted here. I have succeeded far past the limits you set for me so many years ago. I am bigger and better and stronger than I ever could have been according to your falsities. In your absence, I grew stronger and wise, and will no longer fall for your trickery. Not another day will I spend cowering in bed, hidden from the big cruel world that now so longs for my voice and my presence. I am wanted, loved and the gifts I have to offer have been recognized. You are not welcomed here anymore dear friend, your time is up.

Don’t get me wrong, the excuses to get high, or to drop out of life that you had once allowed me took me places that I probably never would’ve seen without you. Those days taught me things that I most likely never would have learned on my own. I thank you for your time, but enough is enough, and its time you move along. So with that said old friend, here are your walking papers. Now then, whatever you do and no matter how good an idea you may think it is-Do not come back. You are no longer welcomed in my head, nor were you in the first place. Kick rocks as they say.

Sincerely no longer yours,



3 thoughts on “An open Letter to my Depression”

  1. This is beautiful Kevin! My life is touched by extreme depression, having married someone that has fought the battle his whole life only to have it enhanced by a brain injury. Positive thought and unconditional love are a powerful deterrent but it does lurk in the shadows just waiting to pounce when you least expect it. Thank you so much for sharing this.