-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Stupid is a brain who’s heart is in love
When you are in love, it makes you do stupid things sometimes. It can make you try too hard, or not hard enough. it will let you take for granted the beautiful gift that is right in front of you. It is yours to have and to hold if you could only stay out of your own way! So why can’t we?
Well, when we care so deeply and so intimately for someone, we tend to lose sight of what a gift that truly is. We may assume that they will always be here with us, or we may simply let life get in the way.
Perhaps we put in too many hours at the office, or worse yet bring our work home with us. We might get so wrapped up in forging our business alliances that we forget that the most important relationship to nurture is the one waiting for us to get home or to come to bed.
Nurturing the most important connection
We need to actively participate when we are in love. We have to engage, court and grow that love daily. Because much like our business partnerships, our romantic venture needs the same care and careful planning and attentiveness. We have to make time for our love to grow. For some of us, that is harder than for others.
For those of you like myself here is a simple list of ways to make time for and to show those we care about the most how much they mean.
- Special Time: There needs to be a time that we set aside simply for our loved ones. A time where we set down the phone, log off the computer and disconnect from our outside persona. We need to make time for them where it is all about them.
- Communication: This is perhaps the reason why 75%-95% of all relationships fail. At some point, we stop talking. Not just about the important things like schedule changes and small talk about our day; but at some point, we stop sharing our dreams and our triumphs and our fears. We need to work hard daily to keep these lines of communication open. We need to work at expressing how much we truly value one another so that there is never any doubt where the others heart lay. So that there is never a question of our undying devotion to our love.
- Intimacy: Aside from the obvious sexual contact, we need to establish intimacy on a regular basis. True, sex is a very important part of showing our love and desire for another, yet we need to establish an intimate language in which we speak to our partner. This constant reminder of our love and fondness for each other serves to supplement and compliment our spoken vows. If we can touch each other in a way that speaks to the other of our undying care and compassion for the other, the small gaps in communication can be overcome.
- Share: We need to share our fears and failures with our lover as much as we do our dreams and our successes. If you think about it, who better is there to aid us in overcoming our fears and insecurities than the one who loves and knows us most? Our anxieties need not be suffered alone. This is why we have a partner in life in the first place. We need to establish a trusting, open link from which we can lean on each other in love from time to time. This is how we grow both as individuals and as a couple.
Trust in the heart you choose to love
Trust in a relationship is vital to the soundness of the relationship. A relationship that is built on solid bonds of trust will almost never falter. And the only way to trust each other is to be transparent with each other. And also, maintaining our promises is paramount to building trust.
But, what about the things we’re afraid to admit to the world? What do we do about the parts of us we are ashamed or embarrassed to admit exist? The answer in this comes first from practicing good emotional intelligence and knowing ourselves truly.
When we truly know ourselves, we are able to accept all parts of us. We are able to accept the little wrinkles of our basic nature others may not. And, in doing so, we are less likely to feel ashamed of them or need to hide them away. We are able to say, here I am warts and all, so take me as I am or leave me where I stand. We are able to say this, and not be afraid of the reaction of our loved one.
Most of us are understanding that we all have parts of us we wish we could change. On some levels, we can change those things. On others, we cannot. We need to know the difference between the two and what we are and are not willing to compromise on.
But one thing I know from experience is this:
A heart full of love is a heart full of possibility to forgive one another. If we are open and honest about ourselves, our past, and our absolute deal-breakers, we can choose to overlook certain things others may not.
Compassion and attention in love can conquer all
If we are open and honest with those we love, if we can guarantee them our trust and a safe place to face their fears there is nothing that a couple cannot do. If we can remain open to our lover as they struggle with their emotions or with their past or whatever their trouble is, then as a couple we can grow past those fears and limitations.
If we truly love each other, then there is nothing that cannot be overcome. There will be struggles, there will be hardships as no relationship is perfect, but with love and compassion, we can form a bond that transcends the test of time and lasts forever in our hearts.
Wise is a fool who learns to ask forgiveness
If we have been crass, or hasty, or otherwise chased our love away, then the only recourse is: to be honest, sincere, and to ask whole-heartedly for forgiveness. If we are sincere in our approach, and can fully accept our faults and own those mistakes, then there is no wrong that cannot be reasonably overcome. So, stop kidding yourself and own your mistakes and ask for forgiveness it just may surprise you what a little honesty and humility can do.
Caveat Lector: This post was written with a very specific purpose in mind. It is in essence, a preemptory apology to the one I love in hopes that she will forgive me for my recent anxieties and panic attacks which have caused much distance between us. I am sorry. Please forgive me.