Healthier ways of handling our hurt
Inevitably at some point in our lives, someone WILL hurt us. It will happen and it will sting worse than any pain we’ve felt before. Though as tempted as we are to tuck-tail-and-run, consider this.
When we run from something, we have given it roots. Those roots, are the very thing that will torment us and keep us on the run for the rest of our days. Unless we deal with it. Right in the here and now, no procrastination – just roll up the sleeves, pull up our big-kid pants and settle into the process of communicating our anger.
I assure you, as scary as it may seem the alternative is even worse. None the less we have two paths to refuge that lay before us:
- Let our anger & hurt win, which will only rob the richness of our lives till our dying day.
- Face our fear and that which hurt us in the hopes of gaining understanding & resolution in order to grow past our anger and prevent it from ruining another moment.
The Path of Least Resistance
It may very well seem easiest to flee that which pains us so greatly. We may think, “If I can just get around it I can be out of its reach in no-time!”
And that might very well be so. However, if we run now we will be running from this hurt for the rest of our lives and doomed to repeat it further down the road.
Whether or not we are aware of the reasoning of its occurrence, there is a definite chance that we invited this hurt into our lives for a reason. There might be something deep within us that is trying to launch a distress beacon to a point in our past when we have faced something similar and subconsciously, we still harbor that pain & in turn create the perfect atmosphere for it to play out once more.
While running away would certainly seem the preferred against staying and having to experience this pain and anger we are dealing with, it will only follow us wherever we go. Unless we stand firm, open our hearts and minds with compassion & reach deep to rise above this pain and transcend this anger and hurt.
C.A.R.E. – Compassion, Awareness, Resolve, Empower
The 2nd option we have is to stand firm in our hurt and deploy what I call the C.A.R.E. method. It is simple enough in theory, and with a little practice anyone can master this handy coping skill to bring resolution to the issues that confront them.
When we are hurt, it is very easy to say things that we might mean in the heat of the moment, but when the smoke clears we might regret. Hurtful & angry words only serve one purpose which is to return the hurt and anger. But remember this old adage: An Eye for an Eye Leaves the Whole World Blind.
When we are hurt and especially when we are angry, we have to take a pause, take a deep breath and reach deep and open our hearts to try and understand why our aggressor has acted in a hurtful manner. Through compassion, we can try to understand the place of hurt that they attacked us from. With that compassionate understanding, a healing can possibly begin.
We need to be aware not only of our feelings and our personal pain but also that of our adversary. This gets tricky because they may be a family member or another loved one, or they could be someone we barely know at all. Either way, we need to be aware of all sides to this conflict and also, whether or not we are in “real danger” or it is just a “perception of fear”.
If we are in real danger, then we need to protect our own safety and those around us. However, if it is more a perceived discomfort then we can stand firm and strong with our hearts open and ready to work through the matter at hand.
In other words, we must be aware of our surroundings and the ramifications of our potential actions. The last thing we want to do here is create a bigger problem.
This part can really mean two things. but, they both essentially have the same effect. We need to gather our personal resolve to face the conflict openly and honestly and work towards a common ground on which to build a solution. We need to muster the gumption to bring the matter to full resolution so that neither party walks away still hurting and angry.
This step takes real communication skills. It takes a big person to admit when they a wrong. It takes an equally big person to accept their apology without reciprocating an attack either figuratively or literally. Being present and mindful of one another in this mutual effort to resolve our grievances is crucial to an amicable outcome.
Once a solution has been agreed upon and a course of progress can be seen, it is essential for both parties to empower the other to succeed on their part of the bargain by resisting the urge to take cheap shots or continually bring up the faults of each other. This sort of nit-picking only brings about more pain and anguish for all parties and ultimately will cause this new treaty to fail.
Now then, by empowering our counter-part to succeed we have now become their cheerleader in the hopes that they learn from their missteps or misdeeds and choose a better course of action in the future.
Truly the worst thing we can do to one another in these precarious moments is to tear each other down or “rub a nose through the shit” so to speak. It is by being an advocate for peace and change that true harmony can take root.
Lead With Love
If we are to transcend our differences and truly learn to live in harmony, then we need to learn one very necessary skill… We must learn to lead with love in our hearts and compassion in our souls. Someone near and dear to me taught me this concept and they were absolutely correct.
Any difference of opinion or divide of consensus can be solved quickly and amicably if all sides agree to meet in the middle and communicate with vulnerability & that openness we’re all so good at exemplifying (OK, so that was sarcastic and unnecessary, but you get my point, no?)
In life there will always be hardships, disagreements, and at times people will hurt us. But, it is how we respond in the face of that pain that truly makes or breaks the very thing that made us masters of our own destiny – our ability to think rationally and communicate clearly.
I’d love to hear your stories on how you’ve overcome a hurt and communicated through your anger to find a healthier way of dealing with the hurt. Please leave a comment or question if you have one, and be sure to like & share this post with your social media friends and family.
Be you. Be beautiful. Be blissfully blessed and rise above the hurt to find a better solution today!