5 Ways of Earning Respect From Our Lover

Be modest, be respectful of others, try to understand.

-Lakhdar Brahimi

Love and respect are to be given as much, if not more than they are received

Love and respect are two things in this world that we would prefer that they are reciprocated, when they are not it not only causes hurt but also breeds resentment.

A proper love is a mutual respect for each other. However, let us say for a moment, that you have lost or never earned the respect of your partner: Here are a few pointers to get you started on the road to earning the respect of your lover.

What is respect?

Respect is defined loosely as affinity or appreciation for another, regardless whether it is based on their abilities, common bonds, or etiquette.

Sounds simple, right?

For starters, if it were that simple to give and earn, I would think respect and love would be far more rampant in today’s society. Yet they are not. Why is that, do you suppose?

Respect is not a right, but a privilege to be earned and cultivated

If respect is to be earned in general, maybe there should be some guidelines or class in grade school. It is just my opinion, the main cause of the decline in general respect has a lot to do with a decreased overall influence from positive role models during our upbringing.

Furthermore perpetuating the problem could be mainstream pop culture’s trend of everything is replaceable and a general “what’s in it for me?” attitude that is so prevalent in today’s culture.

Some would say respect is deserved, yet deserve is a tricky word that I personally do not care for.

Earned? Yes.

Given in kind? Absolutely.

Deserved? Not so much.

But if this is so, and certainly it is in successful relationships, most notably romantic partnerings, then there has to be a way to earned or effectively grow respect from our loved one, no?

5 Ways to Earn the Respect of the One That We Love

1. Attention:

It would seem fairly obvious that paying attention to our lover, especially in delicate times when they are expressing their feelings about something important to them. This may be simple like a recounting of how their day went, getting chewed out by their boss, or more to the point how your actions made them feel.

No matter how we might disagree with the way that our partner sees things, they are entitled to their own feelings. Listening to and acknowledging those feelings they are conveying is an important step towards showing them respect and earning theirs in return.

If nothing else, listening to the things our partner feels necessary to tell us is a plain ole fashioned common courtesy. But, in the same breath, it shows true care and a desire to understand the where the other is coming from.

2. Defend Your Love:

If you love someone, then how could you sit idly by and let another disrespect them to you or in front of you? Defend your love’s honor and good name.

It doesn’t matter if they have goofed something huge or someone is simply hating over something trivial, if you respect your lover then you would do wise to defend their honor.

If they are in the wrong, it is permissible to gently try to correct them in privacy, however never chide or berate them, and certainly not in public.

We need to be the protector of our mate’s good name. Look at it this way, would you want your partner to correct someone for spitting on your reputation? I didn’t think so. So why on earth would you let someone do the same to them?

Having each other’s backs is what relationships are for. TO support one another regardless of what others may think.

3. Ask Their Counsel:

Whether it is a matter of finances or personal opinion, seek their opinion about whatever decision you have to make. Not only does this free you from the nagging or hassles of making a wrong choice, it makes our loved one feel important because we value their opinion enough to ask and consider.

If we have an important meeting at work, asking which suit would convey your purpose best involves our mate in our career ascension. If we are deciding whether to buy something or not, always get a second opinion. This is an absolute must if you share finances or rely on each other to cover the expenses of the house or family.

Bottom line is, we like when others ask us for our opinion, right? It allows us to feel important. So, include you boo in decisions both great or small.

4. Be There Cheerleader:

There is by far, not enough celebration of our wins and triumphs in this world. It seems everyone is a critic these days just waiting for us to make a mistake. Yet, the praise and applause when we’ve done well, seems so much more silent.

We need to be there in good and bad times for our lover. However, we need to celebrate their positive and good qualities as much if not more than we try to correct their mistakes.

No one likes to be constantly told that they are making mistakes. It serves a good rule of thumb to find one positive comment to compliment every correction.

In doing so, we convey to our significant other that, “Hey, you could’ve done something different or more effective here. However, I love what you did with _______! You always have been exquisite when you ______!”

Can you see where that added positive might boost their morale as well as build an affinity for the way you not only correct their wrong’s but celebrate their rights even more so?

5. Important Issues:

Simply stated, if it is important to them then it damn sure better be important to you. When we feel strongly about an issue, we want our loved ones to support or at least respect and acknowledge our position. It doesn’t matter if it is a stance on gun-control, our spiritual views or our feelings.

If it is important to one, it should be important to the whole. Solid relationships are built off of a mutual interest or common belief. Although you don’t always need to see eye to eye on things, and a lot of times will not; it is important to value each other’s beliefs and opinions and communicate well with each other.

Open discussions of what is important to us is a major trust and respect building exercise. It shows that while we have our thoughts and feelings, we equally hold the thoughts and feelings of our lover.

Earning our lover’s respect should be priority

OK, so you have a mutual attraction with a person, but no respect for that person; How do you think that works out? Equally, if there’s a spark with someone, but they do not share or support your right to your feelings and opinions, how does that make you feel?

There has to be a give and take of respect as much as any adoration or affection for love to truly nurture and grow. Without respect, then we more than likely have a slight lust, not love. If we don’t value and respect our partner then we will never see them as our matching piece to what we are missing in life.

Two halves of a whole aren’t always equal in mathematics. However, they sure ought to be in a relationship. We need to view our partner and treat them as an equal and with respect, regardless of their career or income, follies or feelings.

Respect the one you love and love the one who respects you

In order to get respect, we must earn it. In order to earn respect, we must also give it where earned and in some cases, even before hand.

On a primal and basic core level, our mate wants the same things that we do:

  • Affection
  • Love
  • Respect
  • Trust
  • Truth
  • Intimacy
  • Romance

I could go on and on, but the point is respect should be near the top of that list. It is earned and given in the same manner.

There is an overriding simple truth about respect which is simple and pure in nature and intent. If we want it, we must also be willing to give it!

Love is a wonderful thing. And having someone who loves you is also a blessed gift. However, having mutual respect and love with someone only increases the rewards of that bond exponentially.

Are there more ways to earn and show respect in your relationship? You betcha! But, I can’t give you all the answers. (LOL)

Have an open and honest conversation with your lover or boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, and see what ways you both can cultivate a loving and respectful future together.