How do we pick up the pieces of our heart after the relationship is over? How do we find the courage needed to move on? How in the world can we ever trust another with our love again? Just…How?
These questions are all too real to anyone who has ever loved and lost. And the age old cliche of it being better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all not only does nothing to ease the pain, but it actually is akin to pouring salt in the open wound, and trying to wash it out with sulfuric acid.
But, you’ve loved. You’ve loved someone so deeply and regardless of the reasoning, they’re gone. You’ve lost. It’s a story as old as time itself, or at least as long as we humans have been around. You would think somewhere in our genetic make up we would have evolved some sort of defense mechanism or atleast a coping strategy for heartbreak by now.
Alas, here you sit torn to pieces inside. The memories of yesterday’s Amor du’juer still stabbing you deep inside as you try to scrape up what’s left of your pride and your battered soul and figure out how to move on. It’s a reality we’ve all been through atleast once, and for most us unlucky in love, will have to repeat again.
So, how do we move on? How can we possibly love again as hurt as we are? These questions have no easy answer other than, we will. We just simply will.
Everyone has their own advice on dealing with a broken heart. And everyone is an expert on the topic it seems, until it’s their heart that lay broken and bleeding out on the floor. Everyone has a story of how they thought they’d never move on, until they met the love of their life, so on and so on.
You can choose whether or not to listen to the agonizing sob stories. You can choose whether or not to partake in your friends telling you how stupid he or she was for giving you up and how they’ll be sorry someday. But in reality, rarely does either of those happen to our former loves.
When a relationship ends, usually it has to do with one or both parties wanting something different. Truth is different doesn’t always mean better or more it just means different. Sometimes it can be infidelity that causes the split, others just a realization that our mate will never provide us the sort of care we require. And yet, still others there may be little to no explanation at all. In my experience these are the worst.
With no closure it can be impossible to move on. The what if’s strangle our mind and keep our heart hostage hoping any day to be released back into the waiting arms of our lover. But that day never does actually come. And eventually, we do what we know we must and we start to try to enjoy life again.
Everyone feels for the broken hearted. There are literally tens of thousands of songs about and for the broken hearted. Yet, very few are written about the leaver of the love. What about them? Do they also grieve? Maybe not all, but certainly some.
I personally have ended a relationship or two that weren’t satisfying my needs. It doesn’t mean that I didnt hurt, or that I never cared at all. It just meant that I was no longer growing with the relationship and perhaps that I felt It was actually holding me back.
On more than one occasion, some of my partners were unfaithful. On others, they may have been cruel or insensitive to my needs and so I left to find one that could fulfill those needs.
It didn’t mean I never loved them, but moreso that for whatever reason we didn’t connect. The degree of care wasn’t the issue but rather, the bonds of trust were not what they should be and so for both our sakes it was time to move on.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much we love someone, it just wasn’t meant to be. And to hold them so close that we smother them is to rob the world of all the gifts they have to offer. People are not meant to be kept in isolation just because they’re in a relationship. We’re not designed to be anti-social. Being social is part of what makes us the dominant species, it’s how we learn new things.
We were built to communicate and grow. We can not grow without interaction in the same way that plants do not grow in the absence of sunlight. To rob someone of their light is to kill the essence of a person. So when a relationship robs one or both parties of that light, then it is only fair to move on.
If you are the one left with questions, it hurts I know. But know this much, there is a market out there for everyone. The right heart will come in to your life at the right time and heal away the scars of yesterday.
Do not let your light grow dim, do not give up nor raise a white flag. Your light is inside you, and everyone and everything else is only made to brighten that spark inside you.
We’re given many loves and many chances because we are imperfect. But most of all we are built for companionship. Those imperfections are what make us perfect for the heart that’s meant for us.
So while it may seem like the world is ending because the apple of our eye no longer cares for us, the truth is the Universe has something far greater in store for us. We only need to continue being the best version of ourselves for ourselves.
In time, when the Universe has seen that we are ready, only then will it bring us the heart that was meant to be with us. Only after we’ve learned the lessons that we need will we be able to accept a love that transcends time.
Be patient yet vigilant, for the Universe holds abundance for us all. It will come in time. Only once we’ve done the work and made the arrangements within ourselves, can we truly be ready to accept the gifts the Universe holds for us.