Mindful Response-The hallmark of self-care

Victims of Cycles

If I were to ask you what the opposite of love was, what would you say?

If you said hate, you would be wrong. Somewhere we all have some unresolved unrest and hurt in your past. That is perfectly fine, we all have things we have held on to far past their usefulness. But now, the time has come for us to set down those grudges and love ourselves enough to move on.

Somewhere, we all have some unresolved unrest and hurt in our past. We all have things we have held on to far past their usefulness. But when do we know the time has come for to set down grudges and love ourselves enough to end the cycle.

The opposite of love is never to hate. It takes more energy and intention than love does in the first place. In truth, the opposite of loving someone would be feeling totally indifferent towards them. It’s harder than it seems, though sometimes it is vital to our health and well-being.

It’s O.K. to be angry

When someone wrongs us, it can seem natural to want to hold on to our anger, resentment, and even to want revenge.

But at what point, does our obsession with our anger outlast its purpose and jump the border into new territory

Anger in moderate doses is a healthy emotion. It signifies that we have boundaries of self-respect, we have a clear understanding of when they’ve been crossed and if we can remain mindful long enough, decide on a rational response.

It is when the red shades of anger envelope our foresight, stopping our forward progress that we begin to slip into a cycle, where our own negative energy manifests itself in a sort of unhealthy addiction to the conflict. We get stuck.

But, how do we end the cycle of codependency?  How can we stop ourselves from giving in and acting on our anger? Most importantly, how do we transcend the negative feelings about a person or action and allow ourselves to move forward?

Degrees of wrong

In any society, there are social norms or culturally agreed upon yet loose guidelines on issues of trust, respect, wrong-doing, and forgiveness but only you can decide for yourself where you draw your boundaries. When someone crosses them intentionally, we are disrespected and hurt.

If someone breaks our heart, we want to see them suffer as we do. If our lover leaves, we curse their very name. If the relationship ended badly enough, we might displace the hurt into feelings of anger and resentment.

So, how do we decide what an appropriate reaction is? It takes practice to master one’s emotional reactions enough to remain mindfully self-aware, especially in extreme circumstances.

4 points to a mindful response

  1. What was the action(s) that caused us harm or offended us?
  2. Why did the event hurt us so deeply?
  3.  Was the action intentional? Or was it the result of carelessness? (Not that it hurts any less.)
  4. Is the other person remorseful? Did they try to make amends?
  5. Is it our anger or resentment really worth holding on to?

After asking these questions, and cultivating a mindful and honest assessment of the foul, the damage that was done, the possible recourse or amends, and our own feelings, we can better gauge a proper response.

Truth be told the best option is often the hardest

Despite our insatiable urge to rip someone’s face off or to publicly ridicule or humiliate them, engaging in negativity and aggression towards those who have wronged us is only certain to accomplish one or two things, neither of them is productive.

Our karma does not need the black smudge on our spiritual and eternal record, and face it-no one wants to wear stripes and chains for a senseless decision to hurt someone. We may want to do bad things, but I assure you this is not the best course of action.

Truth be told the best plan of revenge, is to not seek it. One of the worst punishments we can dole out to someone who has hurt us, especially an abusive or unfaithful lover, is to move on and succeed without their presence.

It’s simple. One of the hardest things to do is watch someone be the bigger person and keep doing their thing in spite of us. To sit and wonder when the retribution for actions might come can not only be mentally unsettling.

So, for that day to never come…

I’m dramatizing a touch here, but you get the idea. Honestly, being true to oneself and overcoming the hurt and pain someone may have caused us is hard. But, it is a sign of maturity, class, and dignity.

To master the art of turning the other cheek is to have mastered ourselves. It is the essence and tell-tale sign of a high emotional IQ. When we move through life able to remain unfazed by the actions of others in pursuit of happiness and well-being, that is the true hallmark of self-care success.

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