When A Relationship Hits Critical Mass

All Hope Is Not Lost…Yet.

What do you do when the troubles in a relationship hit critical mass? What is it that one could possibly do to create a positive environment when things are so toxic that they can no longer see through the cannon fodder and gun smoke? It can be and usually is, very difficult to handle when a couple has lost their grip on what is real and what is in their mind.

It is the most difficult thing in the world, dealing with a relationship where both parties are convinced that no matter what they’ve actually done or not done, that they’ve suffered at the others hands. The threats, the accusations, the lack of respect and trust can be too much. So how do you know when a relationship can be saved, or when it has bulleted past the point of no return?

If you feel like you can do no right in someone else’s eyes, then you’re probably right. Sometimes, there’s just nothing that we can do. It can be painful to see a once unstoppable couple who’ve lost their grip on reality, but the best we can do is hope and be patient. At some point, there has to be a way out or some form of resolution. And if not, you may be in more trouble than you think.

When the toxicity has taken over and life with the one we love has no amicable solution in sight, sometimes we must resign and give in. We can either accept and correct the abusive nature of our partnership, or we can throw in the towel and walk away.

I’m not saying either choice is easy. In fact, it will be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Just the same, it may be the best thing for all parties involved. Staying where love no longer lives or never was in the first place can be horrendously difficult, and extremely dangerous both mentally and spiritually. Staying too long can cause us to be swept away ourselves into the deep dark of the black abyss.

We have to do what is best for us. No matter how much we may love someone, at some point, we must walk away from the relationship if it continually hurts us with no remorse. When one or both people have an unspeakable contempt, it can be impossible to fix. It will only drag us deeper down the rabbit hole until both feel crazy, and out of touch with reality.

Leaving does not mean that we do not care or never did. It simply means that we care enough for ourselves to know when we need to walk away for our own health and sanity as well as the health and sanity of the one we love. The most important thing to remember is that when we try to leave, our partner may do anything and everything to stop us.

Things may get messy, and publicly stated sentiments should be kept to a minimum, if not completely out of the public eye. It can be frightening to start again, tumultuous even.

Couples will lash out, they will accuse, blame, cry, and sometimes get violent in order to make us feel bad for them. They will stop at nothing including making us feel like the lowest person in the world or revert to gaslighting. Gaslighting is the art of convincing us that we are the crazy one when in fact we are not crazy at all, just fed up and willing to walk away rather than hurt anymore.

Bottom line, relationships between two healthy people are tough enough. When one or both parties are not well, that difficulty factor goes up exponentially. Sometimes, there’s nothing that we can do except hope that our love gets help and maybe even seek therapy or couples counseling. If that fails, we then are left with no choice but to part ways and move on to a healthier relationship.

Anyone who finds themselves in a rocky relationship has certainly got their work cut out for them. My best advice would be to approach each other with love and compassion. If this can not be done by one or both halves of the couple, it will most likely never work out. And staying only puts you both in greater danger the longer you stay.

There is no nobility in playing the martyr to someone else’s discontent. You need to take care of and love yourself enough to walk away. After all, if you don’t first love and care for yourself, then how could you possibly love and care for another.

There is no nobility in playing the martyr to someone else’s discontent. You need to take care of and love yourself enough to walk away. After all, if you don’t first love and care for yourself, then how could you possibly love and care for another.

Bottom line, a loving healthy relationship takes both sides working tirelessly and giving of themselves selflessly to make it work. You are building a future and like any building, all workers have to be on the same page in the blueprint. If not, the whole house of cards will  collapse. So be good to each other, try and exercise compassion and keep an open mind. Your relationship depends on it.

 

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