“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”
Compassion, is a quickly vanishing practice in todays society. I mean, sure we have so many choices to replace the old with…What’s the point in putting in any effort, right?
Every relationship we engage in benefits from open communication and when things get rough, compassion is the grease for the squeaky wheel of love.
Let me know if this sounds familiar…
You’re in love! Oh my, what a splendid feeling. And inevitably after awhile, life begins to seep back in to our peripherals. Stress levels rise, the to-do lists get longer and we become more wrapped up and distracted and eventually, we begin to not only neglect our relationship, but maybe we also withdraw from our mate.
Once we begin to withdraw , and our partner makes mention of it what usually happens then?
We withdraw even more, right?
It’s not that our partner is nagging us, they have a right to their feelings and how dare we diminish them? Frustrated, we pull back further citing our inability to handle everything on our plate and their emotions as well .
Unfortunately, this withdrawal from the relationship and essential ghosting of our mate hurts both our love and our relationship at the same time. Think back to a time when you were on the receiving end of that distance. Sucked right?
An article by Psychology Today explains that in most troubled relationships, the couples blame a decrease in compassion regarding the following:
This is what couples blame it on. However, the experts indicate a more subtle & underlying reason for the initial decline of compassion. Psychologists determined that the original trigger for the self-perpetuating cycle usually rests with our confusion of what emotions feel like vs. what they look like.
Compassion helps the love we have for our significant other run in, even when our world is burning down. When we act with compassion and love towards our mate’s pains, we can lessen the impact of that hurt.
Ultimately, this eliminates most of the distance and arguing, making everyone’s life more manageable. By bridging the distant gap of withdrawal we created, we are able to communicate more openly and effectively our own stresses.
In most cases, our lover wants to help alleviate our pain at all costs, and pushing them away and refusing to let them do so only hurts them more. Or does it?
According to an article by Psychology Today, when we feel our partner has ignored us or simply doesn’t care that we “feel” hurt, it can cause us to harbor resentment towards them. We express that we feel they are diminishing our feelings and treating us less than important or unworthy of their time.
In reality, we are “confusing emotions for judgements, or rather veiled accusations.” Almost every time they are met in a defensive manner, which perpetuates the cycle of resentment, withdrawal, and intensifies the projection of feelings in an inappropriate manner fueling the fight and creating more distance.
That is not to say however, that we aren’t entitled to be upset over the distant treatment, but we need to remove the ego from the equation.
It can be challenging to practice proper emotional expression at times. After all, we have spent most of our lives mistaking personal judgements as feelings. To now flip the switch and kick our ego to the curb can be a daunting if not impossible task, although a necessary one.
If we stop ourselves from that knee-jerk reaction and examine our emotions and thoughts, we can decipher the difference between our feelings and our judgement of actions.
By taking a moment to realize that we feel resentful because this thing that we miss was taken from us and remove our sense of entitlement to that thing, we can approach our mate without attacking them, preventing the defensive retort and their urge to run.
If we move to be compassionate in our approach with our loved one, we allow that compassion and empathy to grow, and (hopefully) be reciprocated.